I was only in my early 30’s. Success in pretty much everything I tried had left me with the sure knowledge that Heavenly Father was in the details and had my back. I had always had the idea that I would die young. It permeated my thoughts that perhaps this was the ‘why’ of my successes. That my life would be crammed into a few decades rather than many decades.
That day I had done an open house. I had driven that road my whole adult life. I always drove in a defensive and observant posture. My eyes locked with the young girl as I slammed on the brakes and she failed to stop at a stop sign finding out later that she was going 60mph. I saw the pure panic in her eyes. I knew in that moment that my life would change.
When I regained consciousness the door handle of the passenger front door was over the handbrake and the Ford emblem was sitting on the dashboard. My right foot was still firmly placed and smashing down with all of my strength on the brake. I felt numb. I suppose I was in shock.
I’ve never forgotten the sounds of crashing metal, the glass breaking and the dread of something happening that I couldn’t do anything about. I remember thinking “I’m so glad I’m alone in the car. My sweet-pea daughter wouldn’t be able to survive this”.
The pain began to set in and was intense. My neck wouldn’t hardly move. My head felt like it needed to explode. My breath was strained and the seatbelt was so very tightly holding me in. The injuries literally went from the bottom of my foot to the top of my skull.
As the initial recovery period progressed it became obvious that my cognition wasn’t right. They thought it was the pain, or perhaps the shock of it all. I had to get far enough with recovery that this could be evaluated. I had suffered a double brain injury. One was to the tip of my left inner ear making me so very dizzy. The other was at the sub-occipital area on the right side. i’ll never forget the moment the adhesion had been broken - pain shot through my head like I have never felt before or since.
My first clue that something was bad wrong with my brain is that I couldn’t remember stuff. I had felt like it was a colossal waste of time to watch reruns but now I couldn’t remember ever seeing shows that apparently I was watching over and over and over. I also was an avid reader. Suddenly I could not comprehend or for that matter even recognize the order of letters making a word.
My Mother always told me to get an education and that it would be something nobody could take away - well they had. I had to relearn to read. I had to be taught how to outline something I was attempting to read and understand so that maybe I could get the ‘facts’ of it. I struggled so much BECAUSE I REMEMBERED THE BEFORE.
New learning was impossible so I focused on writing assignments. I was able to obtain an Associates in Children’s Writing and then an Associate in Freelance Writing utilizing the ADA. Then I decided to pursue screenwriting and realized that it was non-fiction that really drew me in. i tried to write a movie script but I just couldn’t follow the accepted standards of crafting it. So I wrote a play for my daughter “The Royal Children”. It was first performed with the Roanoke Island Historical Association professional theater workshop.
Then we did it in my daughter’s scout troop. Then an organization (the name of which eludes me) picked it up and it was performed up North.
I was given the opportunity to help my daughter’s class to craft a book of stories - “Stories of Adventure”. The children all got a ‘self-published’ copy and they all signed every one of them and yes I do still have my copy.
Because I knew what it was like to have a disability (and I was left with many) I typed up the Lost Colony script in extra large font so that those hard of hearing or had issues with sight could follow along as they attended the show.
The really weird thing is that the wreck was a transformative event in my life. Because of it I could own the gift of living in the moment and honoring the ‘be here now’ mentality. I was able to be with my daughter so much more than I could have ever been if I had still been working. My life was freed from the bondage of expectations. I learned that my expectations of myself is the most important of all and if along the way I met the expectations of others - GREAT.
It does not take a brain injury to live in the truths that I was gifted in a very challenging way. It took 10 years of physical therapy, cognitive rehabilitation and surgeries to get to where I am now. The TBI’s triggered Multiple Sclerosis and Lupus. I have 5 herniated discs. Arthritis permeates my body. my life is dictated by my inabilities and the absolute conviction of knowing that my mission in life is possible with what gifts I have that are magnified now that my journey is no longer about winning another productivity award or earning big bucks but rather making a mark on the world which my Mom also has always told me to do.
