Be Around Good People

 

Tonight I attended a virtual lecture.  Growing up my Mom and Grandparents said “You’re known by the company you keep”.  That is a huge understatement.  

With whom we choose to have in our lives impacts and shapes us.  If we are around folks who complain incessantly then we begin to feel negativity creeping into our life.  If we are around people who use disrespectful language we begin to think in rude terms.  If we are around people who are dishonest we may immolate them unaware.  If we are around people who have no direction and eat up their time with useless endeavors we too are wasting our time.

My niece hung out with the wrong people.  It cost her the privilege of living.

When we were in school in Texas (we were there for almost two years with my Dad) there was an abandoned house that students skipped school and hung out taking drugs.  One day the police raided it.  Some of the students were just hanging out and wasn’t using the drugs.  They all got arrested.  They all were convicted.  They all had a diversion in their young lives that was not pleasant.

How many times have we heard about kids that are killed because their friend was buzzed while driving.

Once in Calculus II I saw a fellow student cheating.  Even with his book open on the floor he failed the test, and in fact failed the course.  you never get ahead by cheating.  You can pretend for only so long.  Eventually you have to prove yourself.  You either know it or you don’t.

I have a ‘friend’ who gets angry quickly and takes childish actions without any thought what-so-ever.  What do they add to my life?  More importantly perhaps is the question of how much negativity do I allow to shed off the relationship?

When I didn’t have the courage to walk away from a partnership that was doing business in a way that I couldn’t condone, God ended it for me.  It turned out to be a blessing.  Perhaps some will know of what I refer - perhaps not.  The fault was mine.  Once I knew that we were at odds I should have ended it myself.

In the past I’ve done well when I’ve remembered the simple truth to work with those who have your same values and goals.  I’ve always striven to do whatever I undertake with excellence.  Sometimes I’ve lost my way.

Then my meandering mind turns towards my faith.  While I respect everyone and have many friends who are not ‘christians’ yet they are honorable people astute in treating others the way they would want to be treated.  We are called to love not judge.  The big ‘gift’ we have is the ability to choose.  Our Heavenly Father is merciful, and our souls are a part of him.  We are all connected whether we want to be or not.  When a butterfly flaps it’s wings in China we feel the flutter here.

I’ve been harmed by the dishonesty of others.  It’s cost me a lot this past two years.  I have also relearned the truth of we can’t put our destiny in the hands of others.  Oh sure sometimes we have to like when we are having surgery, or trust the pharmacist to fill our medication correctly.  It is a universal truth though that nobody will look at your well-being in business more than yourself.

I’ve also learned that what I offer isn’t valued.  Working when your sick, canceling your plans so that others can attend a friends wedding, showing up on time, working late, being honest and working for less than $3 an hour so that students can be taught excellence isn’t appreciated.  When I’m told one thing and then the person does something totally opposite never taking into account the cost to me I should be done. When my expenses are out of pocket and I’m told to submit a report and I’m only paid for one trip to Hatteras rather than the innumerable miles driven on behalf of the employer I should have been done.

In my way of thinking folks should be honest.  If there is a concern talk about it.  Blindsiding someone is never OK.  I’ve been blindsided a few times in the last two years.  

So if you are around people who make you feel less than you are, or people doing illegal things, or people who take you for granted, or people who hurt you (intentionally or not), or people who take your work as their own, or people who talk badly about you (it’s palpable), or people who are dishonest with you, or people who say untrue things about you, or people who take more from you then they will ever give, or assume you will always be there to take the ‘abuse’, or tell you how you can never do a thing, or don’t believe in you then move on.

Move on to people who add to your life.  Move on to business entities that work with integrity.  Move on to friends who want your best for you.  Move on to a faith group that supports you, your beliefs and helps you grow.  Be generous, but don’t throw your pearls after swine.  Perhaps most important of all remember that you are enough, you can do whatever you need to  and you are loved by people that you haven’t even met yet.

I’ve recently been told by a family member that I’m no good, that I have ‘nothing’ and that I’m incapable of caring for them.  I’ve been in caregiver mode for decades.  Literally decades.  Perhaps with a little bit of pride I would like to prove them wrong.  All my income producing plans were destroyed by Covid.  But, I’m learning a new way.  I’m praying daily for help with what I can offer in exchange for revenue.  

 2021 will offer new opportunities, but I will never again allow others to be in control of my business.  I will never again be stroked by velvety words only to find that I’m being gaslighted.  I’m intent on reclaiming the real me.  So watch out world.  I’ve been through a lot, I’ve overcome a lot and I’ve achieved a lot.

For Your Eyes Only

 

I was only 19.  I had worked for a year for my second Ice Capades audition.  The two solos that I skated for it was “Fame” which was very jazzy, and “For Your Eyes Only” which was graceful and artistic.

My journey had started just four years earlier.   Looking back I realize how quickly I progressed.   My first audition was scary.  I did the kick line just fine and I didn’t have a solo prepared.  I was given notes and told to come back the next year.

During that year I worked so hard.  Physical conditioning was over the top.  I’m talking jogging up and down stadium stairs - in my skates with rubber blade guards.  It meant 4:30am figure private ice.  It meant being able to do a long program and appear to not be winded.  It meant that I tested and passed in Ice Dance, Free Style and Figures.  My Mom was there for my first audition and told me that I had her complete support but that I should spend the next year singularly focused.  So that’s what I did.

First I had to have a pair of professional custom made skates.  They cost $1800.  One of my Grandfather’s bought them for me.  It meant going professional by coaching and teaching.  That meant no more competitions.  The pay was minuscule, but it was what was required.  It also meant that I would become a National Figure Skating Association Trial Judge. My coaches pushed me very hard.  At one point I was able to stand flat footed, jump straight up and make a full revolution before landing solidly where I started.

The day that I was able to do a Russian Split jump I was overjoyed.  My figures improved - I was a perfectionist.  See you are required to make ‘figures’ on virgin ice and restate them exactly in the same tracing.  This created a discipline that paid off on the ice when doing high level programs.  

I also had challenges outside the physical.  The church that I attended sent a few older ladies to the rink to harass me every chance they could.  They felt I was wasting my time and that the costumes (like the one in the photo above) were too revealing.  The rink got them legally ejected from the rink.  It was this that made me use “For Your Eyes Only”.  I had come to a moment when I realized that God had given me this meteoric rise in a skill I never would have imagined and all I had to do is look for his eyes - not others.

The week of my second audition came.  Me, and a few other skaters, hung out with the show skaters playing broom ball and just loving the ice.  The audition began at 1am that night.  Mom and I went to the coliseum in Charlotte.  This year I had prepared as well as I could.  Show ice is very rough, I had learned to keep my teeth apart as I did my routine. 

My first routine was Fame.  It should athleticism, strength and control.  Then I did “For Your Eyes Only”.  This would show my grace borrowing heavily from my dance classes.  I wore glasses, but never on the ice.  I could see well enough and still can in a pinch.  Two things happened.  First they turned on the mirror ball to see how I would handle it.  Tricky, tricky, tricky.  What they didn’t know is that I had already done this routine dozens of times on dark ice with just a mirror ball.

But then laughter erupted from the stands.  This is where the troop, coaches, ice skating headliners, managers and my Mom were sitting.  i didn’t let it bother me and I stayed in my character.  I finished the program flawlessly and when the lights came up I skated off the ice to a standing ovation by folks that were very much better than me.  I kept my smile on, put on my skate guards and was asked to wait with my Mom for a bit.

When I sat down she was so proud.  I kept smiling, but I was actually about to cry.  I didn’t understand what I had done that was so funny.  She said “You didn’t see the cat did you?”. NO.

She said that a cat had gotten onto the ice and followed me around the entire “For Your Eyes Only” routine.  It had scampered away when the house lights came on.  Since I had kept my head up I never saw it.

The Director calls me over and asks if I can join the European Troop in three months.  I was elated. I was given a packet of information and the show hired a local choreographer.  We kept Fame and added “Double Dutch Bus”.  I got my trunk and went about preparing.  One of the requirements for women is you had to have a pregnancy test (I was a virgin) and a clean bill of health from both a primary physician and an OB GYN.

I was handling my Type 1 Diabetes fine so Dr. Green signed off.  My OB GYN went way differently.

I bled 3 out of every 4 weeks since I was 13.  I just ignored it and kept going.  My previous OB GYN told me it was normal.  There was also intense pain.  Again I was told to ignore it, so I did.  Dr. Fisher, the new OB GYN,  told me that he couldn’t sign off for the show.  He gave me two choices.  I could have a complete hysterectomy and join the show in 6 months, or I could quit skating and go through two years of treatment for the severe case of endometriosis I had and MAYBE one day have a child.

I chose my daughter.  It was so hard.  I was put on a type of chemo-therapy that made me very sick. The show was supportive and for many, many years I had the letter they sent me helping to ease the decision.  The day I cleaned out my coaches office and locker was hard.  It was hard returning my trunk.  I had my giant show suitcase until our house flooded three years ago.  In my young mind a dream had been realized, but then I was given the opportunity to choose life for another.  I didn’t skate for two years.  i still had it but I wasn’t allowed to condition to a professional level again.  If I had I would have lost the chance to have my daughter.

I buried myself in college.  I earned a BA in Psychology from UNCC and later my PhD from AIU.  I have no regrets.  I made the right decision.  My Mom was with me every step of the way.  I have so many cherished memories from that time.  All the ‘stars’ I met and skated with (Peggy Fleming, Randy Gardner, Tia Babylonia, Dorothy Hamill, to name a few).  The show skaters kept in contact for years.  I did visit with them every year when they came through Charlotte.

My time as a skater was one of the many highlights of my life.  I often feel my body soaring through the air and can sometimes be caught going through the moves.  Those days visit me often in my dreams.  I learned that I could do whatever I put my mind to - just like my Mom taught me.  

My daughter was born 9 years after the diagnosis.  Dr. Fisher delivered her.  She came 16 weeks early due to a heredity defect that we weren’t aware of until that night.  He cried when he saw me afterwards.  She is almost 31 now and the story of her birth is for another time.

Follow your dreams.  do what is required.  Achieve your goals.  Don’t let ANYONE tell you that you can’t, that you aren’t good enough or you don’t have the talent.  

9-11

 September 11, 2001. -  We were so naive.  In many ways we still are.  Here is my 9-11 story.

I was the Director of the Civil Patrol Unit of the Charlotte Mecklenburg Police Department.  Our scope of enforcement had been increased just a couple of months before.  We were the ones that cited folks for using accessible parking without a permit, parking in fire lanes, etc.....  I was considered a Peace Officer.

What most folks don’t realize that the World Trade Centers were monitored by units from all over America on a rotating basis.  That week it was CMPD’s turn.  My Sargent was to lead the group.  I had been briefed that I would need to go to Chief Darrel Stephens if anything serious happened that I needed help with.

I was at the courthouse.  The news flashed on a screen.  It was unbelievable.  My assumption was that our group was in NYC and that I needed to report to the Chief, which I did.  Suddenly my unit was vitally important.  Everyone was called on to do patrolling and report any vehicles that were illegally parked - the thinking was that car bombs or other terrorism threats.  There was no layer of protection between fire lanes or accessible parking for any building.  

The national command center was set up in warp speed next to my office.  Nobody knew that and we weren’t to tell anyone.  I had top level clearance so I was right in the thick of it.  My unit worked to get suspicious vehicles towed and isolated.  As the days wore on orange cones were put up to keep cars away from important buildings.  As the months went by cement barriers were placed so that vehicles could not park right next to the door of vital buildings.  It would take a year or two to change the landscape and our rethinking of security.

It may sound simple or not important, but it was.  Later, we received a commendation from President Bush.  Every officer on duty and every patrol unit member who took part received a 9/11 duty medal.  

Our team had been late getting to the towers and were spared.  They were back home in Charlotte by Thursday.  Safe.  We were thankful, so very thankful.

Security became a priority.  We had focus groups and high level discussions that changed things.  Most of these measures are still in place and has actually become a part of the fabric of normalcy.  Yet we are still very vulnerable.  Covid is a worse attack.  Perhaps it wasn’t intentional as 9/11 surely was.  Later I stood at Ground Zero.  The souls of those lost could be felt, the view of destruction was sobering.  We said “Never again”.  We also said “United we Stand, Divided we Fall”.  We’ve forgotten that lesson.

Prayers for the survivors, family and everyone involved that terrible day.  We must continue telling the stories so that we don’t forget.

Who Knew?

 To me this isn’t politics.  It’s ineptness.  POTUS simply isn’t equipped to be the leader of our nation.  I just listened to his interview with Bob Woodward in February.  It doesn’t really matter when it was it’s the content that is disturbing.  

He admits that COVID is much deadlier and much more contagious than the seasonal flu.   At that point in time we, the citizens, thought it would be contained in China.

I suspect that there was a huge communication disconnect.  However, for the President to ‘know’ what he did and seemingly didn’t act quickly.  I also believe that COVID was with us in late 2019.  That can’t be attributed to POTUS, it just is.

The President literally said that COVID is airborne and can be transmitted by just breathing.  This was in February.

Hindsight is always 20/20.  Back seat observers always believe that things could have been done better.

We are here now.   It appears that antibodies do not last past 6 weeks or so with people who have had it.  That means that we can never really know how many people actually had COVID.  

My physicians are sure that I had it in March.  I didn’t qualify for one of the 250 tests available in NC because I hadn’t been to China.  Never mind that I had been at a hotel where international flight crews were being housed, and a bluegrass festival was being held where people had hacking dry coughs, and perhaps most importantly - I’m at high risk.  

We need access to testing in a smart and common sense way.  Not just because somebody wants one.  Rather, those who have been exposed or are showing symptoms.

It’s also clear now that folks can get it more than once.  Speaking from experience this may be relapse rather than reinfection.  It doesn’t really matter - therapeutics just aren’t in place.  We don’t know how to treat the virus.  We have some clues, but nothing definitive.

So - that means that I and people like me must self-isolate and use extreme precautions when going out on a limited basis.  It means that unless the citizens of this country come together and wear masks, stay at a 6-8’ distance from others, follow the executive orders on limitations of gatherings, hyper-cleanliness, and in general understand the seriousness of our situation then we are sentenced to pay a very high price.

We have seen violence beyond our imagination in this nation.  I remember as a teenager seeing reports of civil terrorists killing innocent people in other countries and being thankful that it wasn’t happening here.  It is happening here.  I haven’t done the research but it does seem that violence has had a quantum leap in the past few years.

Our kids have to be taught remotely for much of the country.  Parents have had to step up in a way they never could have imagined.  Education on all levels will be stalled.  There just isn’t any way from an Educator’s point of view that remote learning crafted within just weeks before the beginning of school can possibly compete with the same material that was being taught a year ago in person.

I don’t want government to be in our personal business anymore than they already are.  However it is abundantly clear to those who will open their hearts and minds that this administration isn’t working.  There are over 20,000 verifiable lies said publicly and it continues every day it seems like.

The dissenters want to believe that it’s all a hoax.  I even have family that believe that it’s all untrue and actually believe that the Clinton’s and the Democratic party created this plague.  Their reasoning is that it’s all meant to defeat Trump.  The entire world has been effected.  How does this point to a conspiracy?  

This is a virus that was being studied in Wuhan University.  Reports are that patient zero got it from eating a bat.  Yet authorities steadfastly preach that it can’t be spread through food.

This election is the most important one of my generation.  I suspect that the results will be challenged regardless.  It’s my hope that the winner does so with huge margins so that we, as citizens, can get on with living.